Wow, it has been quite some time since I added an update to this blog. What happened in the meantime?
Well, the last module was finished in July and the results came in a couple of weeks ago. I did pass very well, and I am pleased with it. But the results for the first two assessments of the module were really bad. I had considered dropping the course, and indeed the master's programme, altogether. But the last assessment yielded a really good mark, I had put in a lot of work and really enjoyed the translation part. I can't describe how happy I was when that result came in. It really made a difference.
And so I was really happy when I started the current, and last module, in this master's programme: the thesis project. It started in July and I soon identified a project that I would like to carry out. But I am again at a point where I think I might just drop out and leave it behind. No MA in Translation for me then! :(
What is the issue at the moment? I handed in a first assessment in which I presented my project and the goal of the translation, including a research question and a rationale for the "research". As I opted for an extended translation project, I don't really see this as a form of scientific research. I am not trying to add knowledge to the vast field of translation theories. Rather, I am trying to show how I created a translation, what the hurdles were and how I overcame them. This is all grounded in theory, of course. But I am not adding new knowledge, I am just showing how I am applying existing knowledge to a text that hasn't been translated yet.
And the result of the assessment was, again, rather disheartening. I am currently presented with hurdles that I feel I cannot overcome. These are hurdles within me, the slowly shrinking motivation and the feeling of complete incompetence that has been accompanying me throughout the MA programme, both at the current university and the one before this. There is certainly a part inside me that just wants to give up amid all this emotional heaviness inside.
But then there is also part of the feedback that I feel I just cannot incorporate into my thesis. One is that the rationale I came up with, and that I feel I had backed up with enough proof in current literature, is not enough. More proof in literature is necessary, and I know that no more proof is available. I skimmed through existing literature and couldn't find anything to back up my rationale more than I already did. So, what are the options? Basically just drop the rationale and find another one. And I am currently stuck in that process and I am not sure how this is going to end.
Dropping out of the module because I cannot hand in the second assessment in October due to a missing rationale is real. It might happen, and as it looks now, is one of more probable outcomes. I am writing this more for myself than for anyone else reading this because I just need to clarify to myself what my options are. There are only two, in my opinion.
I did contemplate dropping the project and coming up with something completely different, but my feeling tells me it's too late now. I have done considerable work on this particular project already, I am, in my opinion, ready to start translating the source text. Finding a new text, or a completely different project (e.g. research into AI and translation) would require me to speed up the initial preparatory work that I've already done and I think it would not pay out in the end, i.e. I wouldn't be able to finish a new project on time. And that would only mean I would fail the module altogether. Which means that this is no an option at all. It's either a new rationale or nothing.